I was a glass thrown
Shattered into shards, too many for me to find
My soul spilt out dripping down
My Being, like Humpty Dumpty, in so many pieces it seemed I’d never be put back together again
But Father Time gathered me back with his dust pan and brush
Every day he puts a part of me back in place
The broken edges aren’t smooth as they once were
Mother Love has begun to pour my soul back in
Filling me up slowly
I look a little different
But I am still me
I didn’t know how deep loss felt. It sits in your throat the moment you wake up. It has a taste. It is bitter and tastes like death.
I didn’t know loss makes sleep so difficult, and yet you never want to wake up again.
I didn’t know that loss is the best diet and can make you drop all the weight you ever dreamt you wanted to lose, and more.
I didn’t know loss takes away the joy of the wind, the beauty of the flowers, the magic of music, the luster of love.
I didn’t know that loss is a cousin to regret, a sister to guilt and married to the past
I didn’t know that loss would like to be your constant companion and take the place of hope and future
I’m trying to put loss in it’s place, behind me, but it’s a process and the only wisdom I can see is to let go, give up and accept it’s place in the story of my life.
I’m trying to swim towards the surface
hypocrisy fills me
having always believed in hope
having always believed the message that tomorrow can be better
that strength inside can be found
I have come against the thing that is too much
I’m struggling to surface
*Camas, WA*
I am still myself
though my outward be changed
inside lives the soul
God created
undiminished
the same
I water it with hope
plant seeds of courage inside
though all beauty be taken from me
my soul still resides
the life I built
remains intact
love and goodness
whole and fast
I be changed some
but the things that make me
remain strong
I catch hope where I can find it
hold it tight
to take me through this night
and find daylight
*Salem Bush gardens, OR*
breath in and out
green and shadows leaping
sweat in eyes, wiped away
burning legs
beneath feet the bridge leaps
river flies underneath
running out emotions
pounding out frustrations
every one under my feet
verdant scents of victory and hope
heart beat beat self determination
limbs overcome their ache
breath in and out
green and shadows leaping
*my run in Salem, OR*
intertwined with mine
your story
there is rest in your presence
adventure to be had
love and lust mingled delightfully
always your hand to hold
*my husband*
I choose to live with pain
binding and winding it into my DNA
I embrace it’s heaviness
draw it close
making it beautiful
changing it into complexity
empathy
hope
*hike on the washington state coast*
sometimes my joy comes in moments
it won’t last the day
when inner sadness lines the crevices of my mind
the most I can do is seize it
and live on it like food
until I capture it again
*Portland, OR*
the balance of waiting for the thing to come
being patient to wait
not move on too soon
living in the moment
for there will always be a thing to come
*the oregon gardens in Silverton, OR*
even though my life has moved on
those in it fill it rich and full
spilling over
before me wide and open
landscape lush, skies blue and bright
your lack of heart to nurture, offer kindness
will remind me of what others have
what I will always give
*my daughter, four corners, Colorado*
Coloradopoet 