LOSS

I didn’t know how deep loss felt. It sits in your throat the moment you wake up. It has a taste. It is bitter and tastes like death.

I didn’t know loss makes sleep so difficult, and yet you never want to wake up again.

I didn’t know that loss is the best diet and can make you drop all the weight you ever dreamt you wanted to lose, and more.

I didn’t know loss takes away the joy of the wind, the beauty of the flowers, the magic of music, the luster of love.

I didn’t know that loss is a cousin to regret, a sister to guilt and married to the past

I didn’t know that loss would like to be your constant companion and take the place of hope and future

I’m trying to put loss in it’s place, behind me, but it’s a process and the only wisdom I can see is to let go, give up and accept it’s place in the story of my life.

drowning

I’m trying to swim towards the surface

hypocrisy fills me

having always believed in hope

having always believed the message that tomorrow can be better

that strength inside can be found

I have come against the thing that is too much

I’m struggling to surface

*Camas, WA*

myself

I am still myself

though my outward be changed

inside lives the soul

God created

undiminished

the same

I water it with hope

plant seeds of courage inside

though all beauty be taken from me

my soul still resides

the life I built

remains intact

love and goodness

whole and fast

I be changed some

but the things that make me

remain strong

I catch hope where I can find it

hold it tight

to take me through this night

and find daylight

*Salem Bush gardens, OR*

running

breath in and out

green and shadows leaping

sweat in eyes, wiped away

burning legs

beneath feet the bridge leaps

river flies underneath

running out emotions

pounding out frustrations

every one under my feet

verdant scents of victory and hope

heart beat beat self determination

limbs overcome their ache

breath in and out

green and shadows leaping

*my run in Salem, OR*

lack

even though my life has moved on

those in it fill it rich and full

spilling over

before me wide and open

landscape lush, skies blue and bright

your lack of heart to nurture, offer kindness

will remind me of what others have

what I will always give

*my daughter, four corners, Colorado*